Friday, November 24, 2006
i lauged until i cried...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Key Learnings from a Morning Ride with Martin, Gary and Mark
until your legs ache and it feels like you coughed up your right lung in someone's front yard a few miles back. This is a character building obvious short term benefit, but for most it's still not worth leaving your nice warm bed to take part in this, Rumsfeld like, torture on wheels. But for me, this morning, added a whole new perspective on why I ride in the morning, particularly with Martin and Gary. I learned several new things and reinforced several other beliefs that will have a lasting long term benefit for me. Most of these came from the activities surrounding Martin's flat tires, (note the "s" behind tire, this is intended to pluralize the noun). These learnings had such an impact that I thought I would share with the group.
Key Learnings from a Morning Ride with Martin, Gary and Mark
- After your first flat, at roughly 6:00 am, it's a good idea to locate your bike under a street light vs. a nice looking yard. (more on this later)
- It's a good idea to store your replacement tube in a plastic baggy with a small amount of baby powder, talcum, or talc. This reduces friction between the tire and the tube so that when you inflate the tube it slides into place with the tire vs. pinching and potentially flatting upon inflation. The downside of using too much baby powder is simply that your tire change site may end up looking like an area where the MedellĂn Cartel had a very sloppy birthday party.
- The most common occurrence of the redundant flat, or flat right after flatting, is due to the tube being pinched.
- The second most common occurrence of the redundant flat is due to Gary discussing how items that caused the original flat may still be penetrating your tire and after a short period of time, (lets say 15 minutes, or so), may cause the redundant flat. To avoid this, simply don't let Gary discuss the origin of flats with you while riding OR, check your tube for foreign objects stuck in the tire - like small coke bottle bottom sized pieces of glass.
- Gary, due to his vast experience, can change a tire in less than a minute. Martin is able to change a flat tube within two minutes. We're not talking two minutes like on a clock, we're talking two minutes like after the two minute warning of the Super Bowl sans the football, cheerleaders, somewhat entertaining Bud Light commercials and the enthralling commentary.
- When borrowing CO2 cartridges to inflate your redundant flat it's a good idea to match the size of the borrowed cartridge with the inflation device.
- At 6:20 am it may not be a good idea to compliment the neighbors on how nice their yard may look while changing your tire in said yard. To illustrate this learning please follow:
Lady in Volvo with really nice yard: "Are you alright?"
3 riders standing in yard in various forms of lycra: "Yes, thank you!"
3 riders standing in yard in various forms of lycra: "By the way, nice grass"
Lady with nice yard: "Wha, what did you say? Nice ass? Well I never!... I'm calling the Police!"**
3 riders standing in yard in various forms of lycra: "OK Gary, you change the tire. We need to get out of here!"
** Some artistic license was used in the formation of this part of the story.
I believe at this point if I haven't proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the long term benefits of morning riding with Gary, Martin and Mark then there is no hope and it's best if you just stay in bed. Come join us at 5:30 some Tuesday or Thursday. You never know what you will learn.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Article 20?
A friend sent me this one and I nearly hurt myself laughing. I don't know if this is symbolic of today's litigious society, a more permiscuous generation y following in the footsteps of a stained blue dress, or a little of both, but why over analyze.
I hope you enjoy!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Serious Consequences if You Shoot the Dog
While I don't necessarily care for political humor, (for the previously stated reason), I have found myself drawn to Comedy Central's "The Daily Show". I even went so far as to purchase the book America - A Citizens Guide to Democracy Inaction and at several points found myself not only reading it, (Yes. The words, not just the pictures...) but nearly falling into apoplexy from laughter. The writing is hysterical and otherwise I really enjoyed it.
Now that I have covered that as background, I am still torn. You see, I am one of those people who feel the definition of gun control means using two hands. So when I saw this video done by Nate Corddry called "Bye Bye Birdie", (scroll down the page to the video Bye Bye Birdie), I nearly lost control. This is the funniest video I have ever seen. My shirt was soaking wet from wiping the tears from my eyes, I was laughing so hard. Yes, it makes fun of hunters and NRA types, but with even the slightest of open minds, this was no less than hysterical. I hope you watch it and enjoy...
Monday, March 20, 2006
lisa the hygeinist
Enter Helga… After doing my time with Lisa, she finally decided that the commute to her office was way too long – a frequent and really plausible excuse in the Atlanta area, and she left the practice. Helga takes Lisa’s place and enters the room dressed in fatigues and knee boots and proceeds to operate the recliney elevator chair with all the grace and presence of one of those dastardly medieval torture instrument inventors. It starts with the brilliant question of “have you been brushing your teeth”? To which I bite my tongue painfully to prevent the sarcasm from coming out. I long ago learned that being sarcastic can be fun and somewhat liberating; except when you are about to have you mouth probed by surgical instruments. After the litany of questions about everything from my latest cavity to the recent weather, She actually begins to work. The lovely Helga begins with the plexi-glass mask and rubber gloves, making me exceedingly happy that I am lying on my back. Then she begins to experiment to find my jaw bone with the before mentioned instruments and acts surprised when I don’t “bleed on probe”. I am assuming this is a good thing, but it may well be because all of my blood has left that area of my body out of fear. Then she wields the dreaded dental floss. This she utilizes in between my teeth much as an experienced assassin wields a garrote to one’s neck. Meanwhile, I don’t think she even notices my acrobatic writhing on the recliney chair. If so, there is no reaction. The experience continues down hill from here when she pulls out the sand blaster. This is the same device that was perfected in cleaning cement driveways and graffiti off of the side of industrial building walls, it has just be reduced in size to fit into the office. If I had any enamel left on my teeth after the previous experiences, it is soon lost to the vacuum that is sucking my uvula out of my throat. I think this is all one big ploy to increase my ability to have cavities in between visits, vs. actually preventing cavities.
I don’t understand why my hands are sore after a visit to the dentist’s office, or why they replace the arm rests of the recliney chair each time I visit Helga, but I must certainly say that I miss Lisa.