Friday, November 24, 2006

i lauged until i cried...

I admit, I'm easily amused. I heard this guy on the radio named John Pinette. He was talking about skiing and how he didn't do it, then tequilla was introduced into the situation. I have had my own experiences with tequilla, and I must admit some of these experiences are pretty funny, but nothing like this. Click the link below.

The Comedy of John Pinette
hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Key Learnings from a Morning Ride with Martin, Gary and Mark

I may be totally incorrect about this, but my belief is that if more riders understood the long term benefits of morning riding, more of you would participate. I know that getting up early with a nose, ear lobe and toe numbing temperature of ~45 degrees that this alone may turn many of you away from the much longer term benefits involved. Now I know you're saying to yourself that you're well aware of the cardiovascular benefits of having Gary drag you along
until your legs ache and it feels like you coughed up your right lung in someone's front yard a few miles back. This is a character building obvious short term benefit, but for most it's still not worth leaving your nice warm bed to take part in this, Rumsfeld like, torture on wheels. But for me, this morning, added a whole new perspective on why I ride in the morning, particularly with Martin and Gary. I learned several new things and reinforced several other beliefs that will have a lasting long term benefit for me. Most of these came from the activities surrounding Martin's flat tires, (note the "s" behind tire, this is intended to pluralize the noun). These learnings had such an impact that I thought I would share with the group.

Key Learnings from a Morning Ride with Martin, Gary and Mark
  1. After your first flat, at roughly 6:00 am, it's a good idea to locate your bike under a street light vs. a nice looking yard. (more on this later)
  2. It's a good idea to store your replacement tube in a plastic baggy with a small amount of baby powder, talcum, or talc. This reduces friction between the tire and the tube so that when you inflate the tube it slides into place with the tire vs. pinching and potentially flatting upon inflation. The downside of using too much baby powder is simply that your tire change site may end up looking like an area where the MedellĂ­n Cartel had a very sloppy birthday party.
  3. The most common occurrence of the redundant flat, or flat right after flatting, is due to the tube being pinched.
  4. The second most common occurrence of the redundant flat is due to Gary discussing how items that caused the original flat may still be penetrating your tire and after a short period of time, (lets say 15 minutes, or so), may cause the redundant flat. To avoid this, simply don't let Gary discuss the origin of flats with you while riding OR, check your tube for foreign objects stuck in the tire - like small coke bottle bottom sized pieces of glass.
  5. Gary, due to his vast experience, can change a tire in less than a minute. Martin is able to change a flat tube within two minutes. We're not talking two minutes like on a clock, we're talking two minutes like after the two minute warning of the Super Bowl sans the football, cheerleaders, somewhat entertaining Bud Light commercials and the enthralling commentary.
  6. When borrowing CO2 cartridges to inflate your redundant flat it's a good idea to match the size of the borrowed cartridge with the inflation device.
  7. At 6:20 am it may not be a good idea to compliment the neighbors on how nice their yard may look while changing your tire in said yard. To illustrate this learning please follow:

Lady in Volvo with really nice yard: "Are you alright?"

3 riders standing in yard in various forms of lycra: "Yes, thank you!"

3 riders standing in yard in various forms of lycra: "By the way, nice grass"

Lady with nice yard: "Wha, what did you say? Nice ass? Well I never!... I'm calling the Police!"**

3 riders standing in yard in various forms of lycra: "OK Gary, you change the tire. We need to get out of here!"

** Some artistic license was used in the formation of this part of the story.

I believe at this point if I haven't proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the long term benefits of morning riding with Gary, Martin and Mark then there is no hope and it's best if you just stay in bed. Come join us at 5:30 some Tuesday or Thursday. You never know what you will learn.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Article 20?

A friend sent me this one and I nearly hurt myself laughing.  I don't know if this is symbolic of today's litigious society, a more permiscuous generation y following in the footsteps of a stained blue dress, or a little of both, but why over analyze.

I hope you enjoy!

Responsible adults should always use sexual consent forms.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Serious Consequences if You Shoot the Dog

I am torn. For the most part, I don't care for political humor. I have my opinions, everyone else has theirs, and while making light of other people's opinions is really quite hysterical, making fun of my opinions is a really lousy and unforgivable thing to do. I'm almost certain you understand my point of view here, and maybe even would go so far as to agree.

While I don't necessarily care for political humor, (for the previously stated reason), I have found myself drawn to Comedy Central's "The Daily Show". I even went so far as to purchase the book America - A Citizens Guide to Democracy Inaction and at several points found myself not only reading it, (Yes. The words, not just the pictures...) but nearly falling into apoplexy from laughter. The writing is hysterical and otherwise I really enjoyed it.

Now that I have covered that as background, I am still torn. You see, I am one of those people who feel the definition of gun control means using two hands. So when I saw this video done by Nate Corddry called "Bye Bye Birdie", (scroll down the page to the video Bye Bye Birdie), I nearly lost control. This is the funniest video I have ever seen. My shirt was soaking wet from wiping the tears from my eyes, I was laughing so hard. Yes, it makes fun of hunters and NRA types, but with even the slightest of open minds, this was no less than hysterical. I hope you watch it and enjoy...

Monday, March 20, 2006

lisa the hygeinist

I have to wonder if other people have the same experience as I do at the Dentist. For the last 20 years I have gone to see the same dental hygienist, and never thought anything of it. For the purposes of this writing, let’s call her Lisa. Lisa was great. She always had a smile and was always very sincere about the questions she asked, and always remembered your last visit. I’m not kidding myself here, it could obviously be the case that Lisa just took really good notes, or was one of the first dental hygienists to ever implement a really good CRM system, I don’t know which. But the point I am trying to make is this, she made the lousy experience of going to the dentist and being probed by really sharp instruments designed by an evil descendent of medieval torture experiments, somewhat bearable. And more to the point, I never really appreciated it.

Enter Helga… After doing my time with Lisa, she finally decided that the commute to her office was way too long – a frequent and really plausible excuse in the Atlanta area, and she left the practice. Helga takes Lisa’s place and enters the room dressed in fatigues and knee boots and proceeds to operate the recliney elevator chair with all the grace and presence of one of those dastardly medieval torture instrument inventors. It starts with the brilliant question of “have you been brushing your teeth”? To which I bite my tongue painfully to prevent the sarcasm from coming out. I long ago learned that being sarcastic can be fun and somewhat liberating; except when you are about to have you mouth probed by surgical instruments. After the litany of questions about everything from my latest cavity to the recent weather, She actually begins to work. The lovely Helga begins with the plexi-glass mask and rubber gloves, making me exceedingly happy that I am lying on my back. Then she begins to experiment to find my jaw bone with the before mentioned instruments and acts surprised when I don’t “bleed on probe”. I am assuming this is a good thing, but it may well be because all of my blood has left that area of my body out of fear. Then she wields the dreaded dental floss. This she utilizes in between my teeth much as an experienced assassin wields a garrote to one’s neck. Meanwhile, I don’t think she even notices my acrobatic writhing on the recliney chair. If so, there is no reaction. The experience continues down hill from here when she pulls out the sand blaster. This is the same device that was perfected in cleaning cement driveways and graffiti off of the side of industrial building walls, it has just be reduced in size to fit into the office. If I had any enamel left on my teeth after the previous experiences, it is soon lost to the vacuum that is sucking my uvula out of my throat. I think this is all one big ploy to increase my ability to have cavities in between visits, vs. actually preventing cavities.

I don’t understand why my hands are sore after a visit to the dentist’s office, or why they replace the arm rests of the recliney chair each time I visit Helga, but I must certainly say that I miss Lisa.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

pictures from the attic

As you have probably already noticed this is my virgin blog attempt. And, the first question running across my mind is, "what do you put in your virgin blog"? Well, writing about virgins would be one option, but I feel the competition in this area will probably be rather stiff, (pardon the pun), this being the internet and all. And, considering the fact that I have kids and they will probably run across this sooner, or later, it's generally not a good idea. The next thought that came to mind was to write about something interesting. That's a noble idea and all, but it begs the question of capability. So, I read through some other blogs to gather some ideas and after reading through a few said to myself, "why am I spending valuable time reading through this drivel?" Then the lightbulb went off, or out, whichever you prefer, and I decided to digitize some drivel.

The theme that I have decided on for this drivel is based upon a few of my life experiences. During my life I have found that most people I know, take life way too seriously. I am certain there are many educated theories on this, but this writing is neither educated, nor theoretical. So what qualifies me to digitize drivel about life experiences? Thank you for asking... I fall into a category of individual who is long past the acne stage, but somewhat ahead of the retirement stage and have delt with a few life experiences. I try to find the humor in most, even if they are not humorous at the time they are experienced. On with the drivel.

So it started off innocently enough. I was in the attic changing an air filter. Stumbling back from the furnace I ran into a box full of pictures, (thus the title of this blog). And, as you probably have guessed by now the pictures came from a time long past, college pictures. Many memories, etc. I now have found my next source of income, that is letting my friends from college know that most will never be able to run for public office because of some of the evidence that I have against them. Now you're probably asking yourself, "well this is a blog, why doesn't he share some of these memory producting, public office wrecking pictures." The simple answer is, I haven't figured out how to do this yet. (Yes, I'm well aware of the little "add image" button at the top of the RTE window, just need to find the best way to digitize these little blackmail images...). Anyway, I'm a bit off topic. Making money off the photos in the attic is nothing to write home about, unless it's a lot of money. The point I'm trying to make has nothing to do with attic cleaning, or digitizing for profit, but rather that there are times during our life that we make some really enduring friendships due to circumstances. Being away at college is a perfect example. And then when we leave those circumstances, for whatever reason, we tend to maintain some freindships and leave others on a shelf,(or in an attic), somewhere. My recommendation to anyone who has read to this point, is to stay in touch with those people even when your circumstances change. Yeah, I know it can be a challenge at times, but catching up with the few old friends that will return my calls has been well worth it. The worst that can happen is that you end up with a cleaner attic and feel the need to insulate. Thanks for reading